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I am a packrat when it comes to things. My computers reflect this. The amount of stored goods I have reflects this. I was going over some computer records, and there's a pretty big gap in my computer life between March of 1999 and May of 2002. I had thought I had kept pretty good records, but it turns out that when I upgraded ICQ in May of 2002, I had accidentally wiped out the history of hundreds of conversations I had with people over the years. This saddens me greatly, as that was when I first met Cat, and I had always thought that I had these conversations stored somewhere.
I found a bunch of old journal entries and writings ... some that I posted on the old website, some that I didn't. I imagine I'll organize and group this stuff up if I ever have a new website.
The new year is always a time of reflection for me. I think about the past, and I think about the future. I've had the tradition of posting my resolutions on my blog for some time now, so I guess this is as good a time as any to over over them.
Last Years Resolutions:
Take some classes
I did accomplish this. I started in the spring by taking a creative writing class (which I dropped), and then finished off the year with Mandarin and Cantonese.
Travel places
2003 was the travelling year for me. I managed to visit Chicago, Vancouver, Edmonton, as well as take trips to San Francisco, Monterey, San Diego and Los Angeles. I also moved to San Jose, a city which I rarely visited.
Be kinder to myself
Reading this resolution now, I'm not quite sure what I meant by it. I imagine it meant don't take things so hard, and don't beat myself up over things.
Get rid of junk
I managed to get rid of a lot of stuff before I moved to San Jose.
Finish writing at least one book
Didn't finish. Maybe next year.
To stop always running away
Yeah, I've pretty much stopped with the escape artist routine. Before this year, my way of dealing with situations was to try and escape. Even after I got laid off, I still ran away to Vancouver, but I made sure that I had dealt with the situation so that I could enjoy my time there.
Cook at least 3 times a week
This did not happen. I was doing pretty good in Foster City, but this stopped around the time that I met Cat. My kitchen in San Jose is horrific, so I doubt this will be improving in the near future.
Next Year's Resolutions:
Continue with self-improvement.
Continue to learn more about my heritage and culture.
Try and go home at least once a month.
I feel like there should be more.
As far as recollecting this year goes... It's one in which lots of things happened, some good things, some bad things. There were things that happened this year that I will never forget, and some which have already been forgotten. It was the year that I truly and deeply fell in love with someone, and the year that I finally let the past go.
I hate airport security. I know that it's a neccessary part of the process of flying, and that it's for safety, but that doesn't make me hate it any less.
But I think what I hate most is just how unreasonable and rude some screeners can be.
Not only that, but I think they specifically target certain nationalities and ethnicities. I've always been pulled aside for the through check, even if I pass through the metal detector without any beeps. Now, to be perfectly frank, I do carry alot of electronics when I travel, so it could be that as well.
Hope you all had a safe and merry celebration tonight! I can hear stuff going on outside, a few minutes early. Just a reminder for those of you driving back tonight, be safe -- the snow (for those of you with some) and the drunks can make conditions dangerous.
The Bay Area is currently being battered by rain, causing some flash floods. There's up to 4 inches of standing water in some places (I definitely do not want to drive through something like that).
It's hard to get my mind back onto working today.
One of the things I miss about having a webpage (as opposed to a blog) is being able to do all the nifty little art projects I used to be able to do, or the experimental stuff that I would play with every once in a while. It makes me wonder if I'll bring my personal site back, since there are some things that I simply cannot illustrate with eloquence in my words.
Driving to work this morning, the traffic was relatively light, considering that the rain is falling fast and hard outside. I guess a lot of folks are still on their holiday vacation. I don't hate driving in the rain, however I do dislike the way that some people drive in the rain. Second to snowy and icy conditions, I think rain is a pretty dangerous condition to be driving in, which is why I don't understand why people aren't more cautious in the rain.
Although this accident isn't due to rain, it is still a
tragic event
. I can't imagine 7 kids stuffed into a single car going 85 to 100 mph all without wearing seatbelts. My thoughts of sympathy go out to their parents.
Last night, I was tired and went to bed extremely early. This is good, because I'm well rested for the drive back to San Jose today. The week here has gone by far too quickly, and it has been a good reminder of how special time with family and friends truly is. Home is always so comforting that I hate to leave.
Last night, my sisters and I watched Bend It Like Beckham and Pirates of the Carribean, so it was essentially a Keira Knightley double feature movie night. I had never seen Bend It Like Beckham before, and I didn't expect to like the film as much as I did. Although wrapped in the guise of a girl's soccer movie, the movie is ultimately about family obligations, tradition, culture clash and being true to oneself. It's a good movie for anyone who ever feels torn between two cultures.
Been doing a lot of thinking about going to grad school again.
It's hard for me to believe that I've been home almost a week now, and that I'll be going back to San Jose Sunday morning. Home is always so comfortable, I hate leaving, but I know that I have to return to my life over there. Time always seems to pass quickly here.
My youngest sister, Christina, works for a Children's Hospital in San Diego. While driving today, she said something to the effect of "Working at a non-proft, I can't imagine working at a place where the purpose of the organization is to just make money." We were talking about Wal-Mart at the time, whose business practices are slowly putting corporations into bankruptcy and out of business. I responded by saying that having seen both sides of the business world -- I certainly preferred working someplace where, even if I came home from work exhausted, I felt like I was making a difference. Working at Project Read doing tutoring, I certainly felt tired when I'd come back past 9 pm, after getting up to go to work at 8 am, but I really did enjoy what I was doing there.
I think it's better to have a job that is life supporting than life destroying... (more on that later)
It was a rainy Christmas Day in Southern California. The first rainy Christmas in over 20 years, they said.
I've noticed that since I started blogging, I don't really blog too much about my own emotions anymore. If anything, I feel like my blog has turned into a journal of the day's events, and less about how I really feel about things. Maybe I've mellowed out, and re-examined my life and realized that what used to be so important to me isn't anymore, and I realize that the goal of just being happy is harder than it seems.
For one thing, how does one become happy? What goes into making a happy person?
It was a problem I struggled with for a long time. I wasn't happy. I wasn't happy with myself or the situations that I had gotten into. I felt like I wasn't in control of my own destiny, but rather I was a passenger, and someone else was driving my life. The problem was, I had settled into a routine. I don't mind routines, but this routine was unhealthy because I was pretty set in my ways and didn't want to change it. I guess when 9-11 happened, something snapped within me and made me realize... life is short and life is precious, and even if I do believe in reincarnation, I need to make the most out of this life, and improve what I can. 6 months later, I'm hit by a car as I'm crossing the street, another gentle reminder of just how quick something can happen to change life. After that, I think I changed my philosophy on life to "Don't regret. Enjoy the moment for what it is. Forgive and forget. Life is important and special. Everyone makes mistakes. Be able to have faith and trust in other people."
Just taking these things to heart and making every attempt to apply them in life is a challenge, but they've helped me realize just how important some things in life are. People and the moments you share with them are irreplaceable. Family. Friends.
There is much to be thankful for this holiday season.
The holidays always makes me appreciate the little things in life so much more. During the hustle and bustle of the holidays, my thoughts always turn back towards the really simple things in life that make me smile, or laugh or be happy.
I'm really thankful that I get to spend time with my family this year. At first, I wasn't sure if I would be able to make it home for Christmas this year -- work was on a pretty tight schedule, and only Christmas day is an official holiday. That's fine if your family is local, but not so great when the close members of your family are 300 miles away.
For my family, this has been a tough year for us -- it's the first year that my parents have an empty nest, where their children have all moved out. It's also the year that my sister fell asleep driving on the highway, crashing into a highway divider, and able to walk away from it without a scratch. It's the year my youngest sister graduated college and set off on her own to find her place in the world. It's the year my younger sister moved 300 miles north of home to go to grad school.
For me, this year is more personal, and as much as I want to express everything that's happened to me this year, it's still pretty hard to write about those experiences, but I think this blog functions as a sort of Cliff's Notes on my life this past year.
Take the time this holiday season, to remind your loved ones just how much you appreciate them and care about them. Have a safe and Happy Holiday everyone!
After reading this story on the terror level being raised to orange, I gave thanks that my friends and family are safe and sound at the moment. It's slightly scary to think that tragedy can befall American soil at any point, and that their goal is to kill Americans, so that no one anywhere in America feels safe. I guess what scares me the most is all the possible vectors for attack -- dirty bomb, biological warfare, crashing airplanes. I'm sure bin Laden's followers just took the California quake as a sign that Allah is with them.
Yesterday at Palos Verde Mall, while we were sitting at the tables outside, someone lit a picolo pete not 20 yards away from us. Until the picolo pete went off, no one noticed at all. I was facing that direction, and I didn't even remember seeing who lit it. What uf instead of a harmless firework, that had been an biological weapon delivery device or an explosive? The mall was relatively empty at the time -- what if it had been in a mall filled with Christmas shoppers? By the time anyone suspected it would have gone off... even worse, instead of laying it on the sidewalk, what if it had been placed in a garbage can? Anyway my point is... it can happen at any time.
I just felt a small earthquake while I was sitting here at home. It was just a mild rocking quake -- everything just sort of gently swayed side to side for about a minute. I don't even think anything fell off the shelves.
USGS just got the data for the quake. It's a magnitude 6.5 quake centered NE of San Simeon, which is halfway between Monterey and San Luis Obispo. 6.5 is a fairly large quake.
I've always been really sensitive to feeling earthquakes -- I guess it's from growing up here.
Today is dongzhi - the Winter Solstice. It's sort of the equivalent of Chinese Thanksgiving -- the members of the family are supposed to come together to celebrate the good year they have had and eat tong yuen together. Tong yuen are sweet glutinous rice dumplings. Eating tong yuen together symbolizes harmony, prosperity and unity together amongst the family members.
My favorite tong yuen is zhu ma tong yuen which are the ones filled with sesame seed paste. The lotus seed and peanut ones are pretty tasty too.
The drive down to LA yesterday was a bit tiring, but we made it down safe and sound on one tank of gas.
Before I left to go shopping, my mother had me place my ornament on the tree. We have an 6ft artificial tree made out of plastic that we've had since 1985. Everyone in our family has an ornament made out of wood that is the first letter of our names.
Today I went to the Del Amo Fashion Centre to do some more Christmas shopping. I was actually pretty shocked that the mall wasn't too crowded. It's a lot smaller than I remember it, and some of the best features of the mall that I used to love are gone now, like the two bookstores that used to be there. I guess they've been displaced by bigger bookstores such as Barnes and Noble and Borders. The huge holiday display that the put up every year is still there though -- it's a pair of minature snow covered cabins right next to where children can take photos with Santa.
Maybe I've lived in the Bay Area too long and been spoiled by the mainstream stores all being located in the mall, and the smaller, more specialty-type stores being located elsewhere. I'm going to go to Brea or South Coast Plaza tomorrow to hopefully finish the rest of my shopping. They are bigger malls than Del Amo but they don't compare in size at all to West Edmonton Mall.
After coming back from shopping, my sister and I ate dinner, and we talked to my mother for a while about our family history, and we reminisced about when I was younger. Afterwards, we all watched the original Italian Job (made in 1969), in which my mother recognized both Michael Caine and Benny Hill, and this summer's remake of the Italian Job.
I need to get an oil change done on my car, and I want to take in my father's car to get the transmission flushed. I can tell by the noises it's making that it hasn't been done in a while.
Tomorrow evening I think I'm going to be metting up with Erica, Calvin and Theresa for dinner. I'm hoping that if we do end up meeting in downtown L.A., I'll be able to visit The Promenade for some specialty store shopping. As far as I've noticed, places with names like "Spectrum" or "The Block" or "Citywalk" usually refer to outdoor malls, and places that are indoor usually are the names of the city or street they are located on. (i.e. Del Amo Fashion Centre, Los Cerritos Centre, Westminister Mall)
I ought to be sleeping, but I can't sleep. I drove around for a while, but still can't sleep. Why do I have to have emotions? Why can't I just turn them off, instead of feeling so passionately about everything. Maybe I just shouldn't care anymore about anyone or anything. I wish I could, but that's not me. I need to sleep. I have a long drive ahead of me tomorrow, which means I can dwell more on the thoughts keepping me awake. Isn't life wonderful?
There's about a zillion things to do before Christmas. I hadn't realized that it was already the 19th. I have gotten little of my Christmas shopping done, so I went to the mall during my lunch hour and bought some gifts for people.
I went to the asian supermarket to pick up some bottles of sake to give away to my co-workers for their gifts. When I checked out, the cashier asked to see my ID. I gave her my driver's license, and she laughed, exclaiming "You look so young in this picture!" I usually get that reaction from people who have seen my license, so I should be used to it by now, but I am not. I guess it makes me wonder... I don't look old enough to buy alcohol, but my driver's license looks even younger that that. It kind of makes me wonder how old people think I am when they meet me.
It's raining outside right now, and looking outside of my corner office window, the parking lot looks as if it is covered by a sheet of water, reflecting everything, an asphalt lake. November through March or April is usually the rainy season in the Bay Area.
I believe it'll rain all weekend, but I'm driving back to L.A. tomorrow. The SF to LA drive is always a little more dangerous in the rain this time of year -- especially passing through the Grapevine where the elevation is high enough that in the rain the road turns into black ice. Several years ago, going home for Christmas, I exited the freeway for some petrol, and felt the tires lose traction on a patch of ice. The car skidded a little bit, but I was able to regain control. After filling up the car, on the way past that ice patch, I noticed another car hadn't been so lucky, and was on the embankment.
It makes me wonder if they took into account the safety equipment of the vehicle. Why? Brown cars, they note, have a signifigantly higher chance of serious injury. Car manufacturers don't really make brown cars anymore. They make gold, champagne, tan, but I don't really classify those as brown. Maybe they did. I think the last of the brown cars were made during the mid to late 80s, which was before the advent of cars with air bags and crumple zones, which makes a huge impact on the safety of the vehicles.
Yesterday, when I took the BMW into the shop to get the shift knob replaced (and do a few other minor things) they gave me as a loaner car, a brown 1980 BMW 320i. The 320i is the oldest car I have ever driven. It really makes me appreciate all the "luxuries" we take for granted.
Equipped with a 1.8L 4-cylinder 101 hp engine, the 320i goes 0 to 60 in a little over 9 seconds. It has a/c and heat, and includes a casette player -- but no radio, and no passenger side mirror. It also lacked all the little powered things we're used to: namely power steering and power windows. Power windows, I don't really care about, but power steering makes a huge difference in the way a car drives and feels. The other thing that changed the way the car drove was the pre-anti-lock brake system.
When I returned the car today, the mechanic asked me if I'd like to swap my 850 for their 320. I chuckled and said "never", truly appreciative of my 850. "Yeah," the mechanic said "I didn't think so. I can't imagine people ever thought that was a good car."
After my final yesterday, a couple of us helped Christine move from her apartment. I am broken. I bruised both of my knees, but I don't think I'll need to do any weightlifting this week.
Afterwards, we watched the extended version of The Two Towers before catching a 12:01am showing of Return of the King. We didn't get back to San Jose until 4:30am.
For a double dose of LOTR goodness, my boss decided this weekend that he was going to take the company out on Wednesday to watch Return of the King. The movie has been out for less than a day, and I've seen it twice already. Now, generally speaking I don't mind watching movies twice in the theaters, particularly if they are good movies. However, I have a bad habit of watching the Lord of the Rings films multiple times. I watched Fellowship of the Ring twice in the theaters, and The Two Towers 3 or 4 times. I'm drawing the line on 2 times for Return of the King. I am not seeing the movie again until it comes out on DVD, basically. Three and a half hours is simply too much to sit through in an uncomfortable theater seat.
As someone pointed out to me, I'm stressing out way too much for my finals. I mean, I really shouldn't care what grades I get it -- the class is for my own enrichment. And yet I still finding myself caring about my grades as much as I did when I was at Cal.
Anyway, I hope I do well on this last exam. It counts like any other quiz in the class, so I know I'm over-studying. But I still get the feeling that I won't ace it, simply because my exam needs to be written in hanzi (chinese characters), and I have yet to learn a way which works in retaining those hanzi in my long term memory...
I've spent most of this weekend studying for my finals which are on Monday and Tuesday. I'll do alright, but I really can't wait until after Tuesday so that life can resume. I've already got a long list of things that I wish to do after finals.
Now that I'm healthy again, one of the first things I want to do after finals is donate blood. The holidays are a really hard time for blood donation centers, as the holidays really make a mess of the routine of donation. People get busy and have a hard time scheduling their appointments, so traditionally this time of year, the blood stores are very low. The way that blood storage works is like this: blood can be stored for 6 weeks, but as the blood is used up, the stores are depleted, so there might only be a two week supply of blood rather than a six week supply. If you can find the time to give blood this holiday season, please do.
For those who are wondering why I feel so strongly about blood donation, it's because you are helping someone out -- it's someone's brother, sister, mother, father, wife, husband, child, grandfather, grandmother, cousin, co-worker, or friend that you're helping out. You're helping to save the life of someone out there that somebody cares about.
I guess I think of it this way. What if someone you loved needed help? You'd do anything to help them, right? What if you couldn't do anything to help them out? Wouldn't you want someone who could do something to help them out? We don't always share the same blood type as the people we love... but someone out there does and cared enough to help out.
I'm deathly afraid of needles, but I donate whenever I can because I can recover from the fear... those who need blood might not have the chance to recover if they don't have the blood. I know there are those out there who cannot donate, for a variety of reasons... but of everyone who is eligible to donate blood, only 10% actually do.
Oh yeah. I forgot to mention something. Okay. Basically, if a country wants to establish diplomatic relations with China they must adhere to the "One-China" policy. It's part of the agreement. This is why the U.S and other nations that have diplomatic relations with the PRC cannot support Taiwanese independence. Even then, the U.S, at the same time, will do whatever it will take to protect the island as well. It is quite contradictory.
I normally stay away from politics, but I will comment on certain issues if I have something to say or if I feel strongly about it. This is one of those issues.
It looks like most people in Taiwan are in favor of maintaining the status quo for now and are opposed to the "One country, Two systems" formula that they used for the reunification of Hong Kong with the mainland. The 99 year lease on Hong Kong by the British ended in 1997 and one thing that I found interesting was the way they left the former colony. The British left by ship and I suppose that is a symbolic gesture. The British came by ship and so, they shall also leave by ship. It's also symbolic in the sense that with the British withdrawal from Hong Kong, it truly marked the beginning of the end of western imperialism in China. You also have to remember that China had been reduced to a semi-colonial status for much of the 19th and early 20th centuries. Macao was returned to the Chinese in 1999 after experiencing Portuguese colonial rule for several centuries.
The difference is that Hong Kong had been ceded to Britain as a colony during the aftermath of the Opium War, which sparked the first of the unequal treaties including the Treaty of Shimonoseki in 1895 when China was still governed by the Manchu-ruled Qing (Ching) dynasty. The Treaty of Shimonoseki was a result of the defeat of the Qing army and navy by the Japanese. The outcome of that incident was the loss of both Taiwan and Korea to Japan. For the next 50 years, Taiwan was ruled as a colony by Japan. Prior to Japanese colonial rule, Taiwan had been primarily settled by Chinese from Fujian (Fukien) province and the language that they spoke, Taiwanese, is actually coastal Fujianese (Yes, there are even regional dialectical differences within each province, so if you actually do make a point of going to Fujian someday, you can actually use Taiwanese to communicate with a portion, though not all, of the natives there). Taiwan also has a sizeable Hakka population. There is also a small aboriginal population whose existence on the island predate the first Chinese settlements on the island. The Hakka population was originally from the provinces of Guangdong and Fujian. Japanese colonial rule officially began in Korea in 1910 and continued until the end of the Second World War in 1945. However, it actually began earlier in Korea before 1910.
When the KMT (GMD) administration fled to Taiwan along with two million refugees from the mainland in 1949, they were welcomed by the Taiwanese who had fought underground against Japanese rule and hoped to work with the KMT and the refugees in forming a government for the island, which was now once again a Chinese province. Taiwan had been returned to China in 1945 by the Allies when it was still ruled by the KMT. Due to dialectical differences and a general mistrust of the Taiwanese by the new arrivals, brutally repressive actions were made against the Taiwanese in 1947 and many of their political leaders were massacred by the KMT. Thus, the Taiwanese tend to regard the KMT as even worse oppressors than the Japanese. The thing is, the Chiang Kai-shek-led KMT government had been a repressive regime in the mainland even before their relocation to Taiwan after their defeat in the civil war.
From the 1950s onwards, Taiwan began a period of rapid economic growth. American-directed agricultural reforms that had been ignored by the KMT while they were still in power in the mainland took root in Taiwan. Growing rural prosperity was coupled with industrial growth in the 1970s. Living standards quickly rose as people became more affluent and well educated. As KMT domination became looser, the Taiwanese became increasingly active in their participation in the political arena. As Taiwan's foreign trade exceeded that of mainland China (although the situation is reversed now), wider relations with the world and the political realities of China and East Asia began to soften the harsher aspects of KMT rule in the 1980s. In time, the government abandoned their goal to "reconquer the mainland". With general economic prosperity, the political environment became increasingly liberal, especially after the death of Chiang Kai-shek in 1975 and then under his son, Chiang Ching-kuo, who died in 1988. Chiang Ching-kuo was then succeeded by the vice president, Lee Teng-hui, who was inaugurated as the president in 1990 and was the first native-born Taiwanese to become one. Before his inauguration, the trend was already towards full-scale political liberalization with the transformation of the system to a multiparty democracy with a political opposition. Free elections were held in 1986.
Taiwan is a full democracy at the present time. Aside from the history and the fact that opposition candidates have won more seats than the KMT since 1994, cross-strait relations is one of the most sensitive topics in Chinese politics other than Sino-Japanese relations. Sino-Japanese relations can run very deeply, is very touchy and can be antagonizing due to China's wartime experience with Japanese aggression during the Second World War. The territory under PRC rule today including Xinjiang, Inner Mongolia and Tibet had all been areas under Qing rule. Although Taiwan had been under Qing rule, the island had been governed very loosely and control was often ineffective due to its isolation and frontier location and environment from Beijing. It had also been one of the last strongholds of Ming resistance (people who were loyal to the Ming dynasty, which had been a native Chinese [Han] dynasty). With regards to Inner Mongolia, Outer Mongolia or the Republic of Mongolia (the Mongolian People's Republic) is an independent country, although it too had been under Qing rule in the past. China recognizes the independence of the Republic of Mongolia and there has not been any claims by the ROM (MPR) on Inner Mongolia.
I guess that would make sense since it would be detrimental to their state to provoke China. To make things short, I think part of the reason why China is so adamant about reunification is because the idea of unity (disunity and eventual reunification) has been part of Chinese history for so long that it has become a deeply entrenched concept. To remain divided is to remain weak, while a unified state would mean and present greatness and strength to a nation. I also think it has to do with the desire to recover the "lost" territories that had been part of the Qing empire. Because China had been subject to many humiliations and suffered many encroachments on its national sovereignty for much of the 19th and the first half of the 20th century, there is this desire to reassert its place on the international stage and to recapture the former glory that it had enjoyed in the past. Taiwan had been a part of the Qing empire. China sees Taiwan as an inalienable part of China and it will do whatever it takes to recover Taiwan. Having been seperated for so long, Taiwan has developed a regional identity and because both countries have undergone different changes and have had different experiences, they are quite different from one another in some respects, but the one thing they have in common is the culture, language, albeit different dialects, and ethnicity.
I believe the issue is quite divided even in Taiwan and there is a sense of identity crisis in Taiwan. There are those who support reunification, independence, the status quo and there are also those who remain undecided. There are those who consider themselves Taiwanese, as both Taiwanese and Chinese and those who only consider themselves Chinese. It seems to me that there is no unity over the issue and people remain divided over it. Is there actually a large majority of people supporting one view of the issue? Is the number of people who hold that particular view large enough to drown out and subdue the other voices? The polls above indicate that many desire to maintain the status quo, but are those charts skewed? Or do they present the real picture of the situation on the island?
I don't know how many people frequent Mike's blog, but what I am going to say next might anger those who support independence, but this is how I feel and everyone is free to express their own views just like how those who advocate independence should have the freedom to express their sentiments. The one thing I don't understand is how some Taiwanese can deny their Chinese (Han) heritage. I mean, we're all Han, right? So, wouldn't that make the aboriginal population the "real" Taiwanese since they were the ones who occupied the island long before any Chinese (Han) settlers came to the island? Of course, there will be some who argue that the aboriginal populations of both Canada and the United States are the "real" Canadians and Americans. I'm Cantonese and I'm Toisanese (Taishanese), but I'm also Chinese (Note: Toisan is a county in Guangdong province with its own regional dialect although I can't speak Toisanese). I'm also Canadian, but I've always identified myself as Chinese-Canadian (CBC). I'm also Han or a Tangren (Tongyahn) as the Cantonese usually call themselves since Guangdong (and Fujian) wasn't officially incorporated into the empire until the Tang dynasty. These regional identities give you quite a headache, eh?
I'm sure people wonder why I know all this stuff. Well, I am an East Asian Studies major, but there is still much that I am or may not be aware of. =)
Whenever people ask me where I'm from, my response is "L.A.". I'm not really from L.A., but from one of the many suburbs of L.A., one which you wouldn't know unless you came from Southern California. It's a small town called Cerritos. It's claim to fame? A plane crash in 1986, and the famous Cerritos Auto Square -- one of the largest auto malls in the nation. Cerritos was the second wealthiest city in the U.S. with a population of 50,000.
My parents and I moved to Cerritos when I was one year old. I believe my parents bought the house for around $50,000 in 1976. Today, the house is worth close to half a million dollars. Since then, the city of Cerritos has changed alot. The city grew along with me, and kept growing. When I returned home from college my first year away, new shopping plazas had been built, empty land lots had turned into townhouses and strip malls, and I could scarcely recognize the town. Up until a few years ago, one could still find horse ranches in the city.
I was pretty shocked when I read the headline and it mentioned Cerritos, but
seeing them add wireless access doesn't surprise me in the least, because for the last couple of years, Cerritos has been tremendously wealthy. One of the more recent expenditures of the city was to (again) remodel the library. I haven't been there since the remodel, but it cost over 20 million dollars... and added such necessities to the library such as a large wall aquarium and the skeleton of a T-Rex.
I'm just happy that soon I'll be able to surf on broadband when I'm in Cerritos.
My sister had her purse rummaged through yesterday, and her credit cards stolen. They took the $8 she had in her wallet, and picked through her change. They used her card to buy petrol and spent over $600 at the mall. I am shocked that the store in the mall didn't check for ID. The biggest fear, as always is identity theft. I never really thought about it until today, but those medical insurance cards we carry all have social security numbers on them, and it would not be difficult to steal someone's identity if they had a credit card, an insurance card, and the person's driver's license. It makes me wonder if there is a better way to do things that can hide information that can used to steal someone's identity. I've been fortunate enough to not ever have lost my wallet (knock on wood) but honestly, I would be in such disarray -- everything is in there -- credit cards, membership cards, insurance cards, discount cards, the all-important Costco card, along with cash (in both US and Canadian denominations).
What I'm starting to realize is that my phone is becoming an indispensable resource as well, as it contains all my phone numbers for everyone I know, and has numbers on there that I've never written down.
Three of the things I can't live without are: my wallet, my phone, and my laptop.
There are also people I can't live without. I don't know if they know they mean that much to me, but they do.
The U.S. finds itself in an unique situation. They're telling Taiwan to forget about independence, but at the same time, they are leading supplier for arms for Taiwan, and have already pledged to aid Taiwan, should Taiwan be attacked by China. In addition, Chinese Premier Wen Jiabao has already stated that "Unless Washington takes concrete steps to prevent Taipei from edging toward full-fledged independence, China won't consider America's views or possible actions when making decisions on ways to take back Taiwan", effectively taking U.S. involvement out of the equation. It seems to me that China wishes to provoke the Taiwan independence movement into action so that they can take back Taiwan. What seems really amazing to me is that Wen will only have an hour to speak with our miserable failure of a president, and the Chinese agenda seems to cover much more than can be beat into the head of our brain dead idiot of a president in an hour.
In the end, I believe that reunification is inevitable, as the Chinese government and it's diplomatic relations with other nations and its position as a burgeoning economic market holds much more value to the United States than a small country like Taiwan. I only hope that reunification comes through peace, and not through militaristic action.
I finished my oral exam in Mandarin this morning. I think I did alright. I don't think it was perfect, because I got nervous and froze up at one point, but overall, I don't think I did too badly. He recorded it on tape. I didn't expect that. My next exam is next Monday morning, followed by my last one on Tueday morning. Tuesday's will be the more difficult of the two, covering the last four chapters of Mandarin.
Yesterday was a bright and sunny day, with somewhat brisk winds. It reminded me of springtime here. Today, however, is just a dingily gray day, the kind that sucks away the hope of ever seeing the sun again. They say it's going to rain today.
I went to the mall today to find a pair of gloves (my hands were quite cold in my office this afternoon). The problem for me is that Men's gloves are large and bulky. All I want is pair of knit gloves -- gloves that are thin but capable of warming one's hands. None of the bulky "Thinsulate" gloves that I see everywhere, which adds a quarter inch to the thickness of your fingers and makes them useless for doing any kind of work that requires manual dexterity. Leather gloves, although nice, often have the same problem as the Thinsulate gloves -- too bulky. I guess part of the problem is I live in California -- we don't have snow where I live, making the bulkyness of winter gloves rather useless. Of course, women don't have this problem. Each glove section that I've ever been in has more variety of styles and colours than the men's section -- which can be summed up in a small variety of styles: Black Thinsulate, Navy Thinsulate, Black Leather, and Brown Leather -- all of them rather large and bulky.
Which brings me to my next issue: Christmas. The stores have been decorated since before Halloween, and yet it still feels like it snuck up on me. I haven't started any Christmas shopping yet. I will likely start after my oral exam today.
Antonio Stradivari was a famous late 17th century/ early 18th century violin maker in Cremona, Italy. His instruments (as well as those of his peers) were renown for their superior quality of sound, their deep resonance and rich tones. Some have thought it was a secret technique, long lost, that created these masterpieces. However, current research seems to point at the density of the wood of that era being the special secret.
I've always held an admiration for those who can play a musical instrument. There's a few instruments in my life that I've always wanted to learn how to play: the violin, the cello, the guitar. Right now, my life is a bit too hectic to really devote to any truly time consuming hobbies, but at some point in the future, I hope that I can find the time to learn. I've always viewed life as an opportunity to educate and improve myself.
I thought I'd take a break from memorizing my material for the oral exam by blogging a quick entry. The wind is blowing quite hard outside and the rain is falling pretty heavily. I guess if the weather were colder we might have had snow. I'm exhausted from studying.
Despite being born and raised in America, Taiwan is still the homeland of my parents and their ancestors. China views Taiwan as a renegade province, while Taiwan views itself as a independent country. For years, China's seat in the United Nations was occupied by Taiwan. I don't know if I want to see Taiwan under Chinese rule, but I also don't want to see them go to war with China (which they would lose). Is there any hope of peace?
My sister asked me whether or not I was going to take classes next semester or if I was just going to study independently. The thought hadn't really crossed my mind. I like the idea of a less formal class/study though... I forgot how much I really hated exams -- they're an essential tool for testing your knowledge of the material, I just really dislike the pressure involved in studying.
I wonder if I just went through too many changes too quickly in my life... getting laid off, moving, going back to school, starting a new job... I guess even though I've been here 3 months now, it still doesn't feel like home to me. Home is where the heart is, they say, and my heart doesn't live here in San Jose. It's still too new to feel comfortable.
It's been raining on and off today. When I first went to school today, the rain was falling in a gentle mist.
My Mandarin class started off with finishing off our current chapter. He asked us to ask him a bunch of questions. One of them was his age. Prof. Yao is 52 years old. He went to University in Taiwan, and speaks 5 languages, but none of the Taiwanese languages. He believes in re-unification with mainland China. He speaks mainly English and Mandarin, but he can speak a little bit of Japanese, Spanish and French.
I hope that in a few years, I will be able to say that I can speak English, Mandarin and Cantonese fluently. If I can be able to walk around Chinatown and be able to converse with the shop keepers, I think I will consider myself fluent enough. I don't know how I am going to improve my Cantonese after next semester, since next semester is the last semester Cantonese is offered at SJSU. Perhaps I will be able to find a class in a cultural center somewhere. Or perhaps I will move to Hong Kong and immerse myself in the language there. I don't really know, and I'll worry about that after the class is over. All I do know is that I want to continue my studies in these languages, because I feel I lost a substantial part of my cultural heritage growing up in American suburbia.
I really do enjoy learning languages, and perhaps in the future, I will be inspired to learn more of them. The Chinese written language is very difficult for me but someday I would like to be able to at least read a Chinese newspaper.
Prof. Yao asked me in class today as we were going over the vocabulary for the last lesson how to say "dianxin" (pastry) in Cantonese. I just looked at him with a blank look on my face. The answer to this question of course is dim sum. I guess he remembered that I am also taking a Cantonese class in the same classroom that he uses to teach 3rd year Chinese, and that sometimes I make mistakes by using the Cantonese words/structures instead of the Mandarin ones. He also said that he likes our class better than his evening class, because his early morning classes tends to be filled with more renzhen (serious) students.
My class today in Cantonese was kind of interesting. It started off with a video that our professor made in 1979 regarding measure words in Cantonese. It was interesting seeing him 24 years younger in his late 30s. I think Dr. Leung was embarassed with it, because he left the classroom while we watched the video, and before he played it, he said the man on the video is his brother. When he came back into the classroom, the students in class said: "Neih hauhsaang" (you're young looking!) and "neih lengjai" (you're handsome). Dr. Leung said laughing in response "That's not me, that's my brother!".
After class, my group in Cantonese today filmed our final video project. It's supposed to be 5 minutes of us talking, and we wrote a script out. When we finally read and executed the script, it seemed quite short to us, so we improvised the remaining footage. I really hate video projects and seeing myself on film. The tape is due on Monday, so one of my group members will be editing it this weekend. One of the little improvised bits was one where we went around saying how old we were. I was complimented on my youthful appearance.
This weekend I shall spend memorizing a dialogue written in Chinese to recite on Tuesday morning.
It's raining now, and I pray that the weather does not make the recovery of the flu worse. It's been raining on and off the whole week, but for those of you out there who drive, I just wanted to urge caution with the weather conditions being what they are. Please drive safely out there.
One of the questions I've been struggling with today is along the lines of "What really matters to me?" Aside from friends and family, which are a given, what else do I really feel is an important aspect of my life? Love, Work, School?
I am still sick, and I am still stressed out about my classes. I guess there's a lot of uncertainty in my life again, and that worries me. It's really more a question of "where am I headed and how am I getting there?"
It's also a question about my passions. Before, I was really passionate about games and my work, but as I get older, I feel this passion fading and replaced with a need to do something that will make a more positive impact on society. I also feel like time is running out for me to actually do things -- I feel like I'm not doing enough, and yet I find myself constantly overwhelmed. I'm sure some of the problem lies in my management of time, and the inconvenience of everything in downtown San Jose.
I guess I really miss the days in Foster City where I could be home from work in 10 minutes, take a jog along the coast, walk across the street to the grocery store and cook dinner. I don't really get to do that living in San Jose.
I'm also wondering how I am going to survive the month of January, since classes won't begin until the 29th. I suppose that I shall spend a good amount of time reading and writing.
I have less than a week of classes before the end of the semester. This scares me. This scares me a lot. Looking through my text books last night made me realize just how much material I need to study for the final.
I want to get good marks in both classes, so I expect that I will spend much time in these 2 weeks devoted to studying.
I'm still sick. I remember my second year at Cal, having to take final exams with a cold, and how miserable that was.
I really want a day off so I can deal with things. With the startup being what it is, days off cannot really be afforded at the moment. The weekend does not seem to arrive quick enough.
It looks like the flu that I've been trying to fight off hasn't been completely licked yet. I had to make an emergency run to the store this afternoon to purchase more Theraflu to fight off the coughing and wheezing. I can probably just get a pack of cold and cough pills, but I don't know which ones would work the best.
I woke up this morning, and I was able to breathe again. I think the 15 hours of sleep that I got last night allowed my body enough time to recuperate and expel the sickness from within. I never want to feel like that again, so I think that from now on I *will* get flu shots every year from now on.
My finals are creeping up very quickly, and there is much work to be done if I am do well on them. Because I've been sick, I have missed some classes, and I fear that I did not learn some items as clearly as I could have, so I will need to do a lot of reviewing. I am going to put school first for now. I have an oral final in Mandarin next week, and I really need to work hard.
62% Un-telligent!
which is normal since the current average is 60%.
Your evaluation is unique, however, so keep reading.
Here is the custom report of your personality that led our team of geeks to conclude (with confidence) that you are bordering on mediocrity, yet more exciting than others:
"The subject shows a very high level of intelligence, and his sense of observation is one of his best qualities. Considering this, he shows a lot of potential, but that's only part of the equation.
"Also, as much as we hate violence, an occasional mauling is one way to solve day-to-day problems like unpleasant coworkers or pesky door-to-door salesmen; he just isn't tough enough, sir, and he avoids any solution that involves violence.
"Finally, the subject displayed a healthy (better than most net freaks anyway) sense of humor, a fair and productive sense of morality, and a barbaric self-confidence. The balance of these three traits is important; high levels of confidence, medium levels of morality, and a good level of humor make for the strongest individuals."
Final Score: 62% Un-telligent
And as always, we publish overall test statistics:
4908197 people have taken the un-telligence test
Of all takers, 53% were female and 47% were male
Currently, males are averaging higher!
The highest score achieved so far was by a female, age 19!
In Les Miserables there is a moment in Jean Valjean's life, where he finds himself a free man, fresh from his parole. He meets a chimney sweep and proceeds to con him out of his money. Realizing that this is not the man he is, he then runs after the chimney sweep to give him back his money. But it is too late, the boy is nowhere to be found. Who am I, Jean Valjean asks himeself, Who am I?
I've been asking myself this the last few days since I started taking my medication. I haven't been behaving like myself. I've been pannicky, I've been irrate, I've been snappy, I've been demanding, I've been selfish, I've been cranky, I've been whiny, I've been moody, I've been depressed, I've been downright rude... things that are not necessarily me. I basically become all the worst aspects of me. And when I think about the way I've acted or behaved, it makes me sick to my stomach. I won't get better if I stop taking my medication, but I'd rather just suffer through the sickness than hurt the people close to me I love the most.
Medication is not helping the sleep cycle. I didn't sleep at all last night.
My body can't seem to rest right now. I guess it's the medication. It's like my body is on a super mega dosage of caffeine. My body is alarmed and awake and I want to sleep so badly. This medicine is awful for me... it actually makes feel worse. I feel hot I feel cold. I want to sleep.
I've been awake since 4:30 this morning, just lying in bed and thinking. Before I knew it, dawn had arrived, bringing with it rays of warm sunshine through my window.
Even though it looks to be a bright, sunny day, I'm quite sad.
Tomorrow I'll need to drive back up to San Jose. I'm sure traffic will be bad, because everyone who works or goes to school has to return tomorrow. One thing I've learned over the years when it comes to driving is I'm a trooper, a soldier -- even if I'm in pain or hurt, I'll grin and bear it.
I've been recovering from the flu, and I think I'm finally through the worst of it. For the last two days I'd been extremely feverish and experiencing cold chills, as if someone had wrapped a blanket of ice around me. I still have no sense of smell or taste, but I am sure those will return in time. It has been a very long time since I have been sick with a case of this severity -- most of the time, I'm sick for a day, I take some medication, I sleep it off, and I am fine the next morning, so it is quite rare that an affliction lasts this long. It is unfortunate in the timing being so close to finals and the end of the semester.
People have told me on more than one occassion, that there's a sense of confidence about me regarding life. To these people, it seems like I know what I'm doing, where I'm headed, how things are going to pan out in the end. You see, I do, and I don't. Even fortune tellers and prophets have a limit to what they can see. But I think what comes through is that I know whatever comes my way, I can handle it. I think having finally reached my age, I know myself.
My basic philosophy on life is this: use your head to make the little decisions, and follow your heart to make the big decisions. Sometimes your head and your heart may argue, and sometimes big decisions are little ones, and vice versa, but you do what you can so that you can live.
On May 9th, 1421, lightning struck the Imperial Palace -- the resulting fires burnt the Hall of Great Harmony, the Hall of Central Harmony and the Hall of Preserving Harmony. The fires also burnt the Emperor's throne to cinders and consumed his favorite concubine (his empress had died in 1407). Emperor Zhu Di was so distraught, that he couldn't even make proper funeral arrangements for her burial in the imperial mausoleum. He fell ill, and began issuing decrees that put an end to the voyages of the treasure ships and foreign travel. Thus began China's self-imposed exile.
It's amazing to think and wonder what might have happened had the lightning not struck, had the Palace not burned, had the concubine survived -- if China had only remained open to the idea of exploring and colonizing, would the European settlers have been greeted in Chinese when they landed, decades later? Would Buddhism/Taoism be the dominant religion rather than Christianity today?
To think that the same man who commissioned these great ships, refortified the Great Wall and built the Forbidden City would withdraw inward... makes me realize one thing: sometimes we are closer to greatness than we know, and if we stop, turn around and retreat we will never know what we might have achieved.
That realization is not just true in our personal lives, but in the events of the world as well. 20th century civilization has sent men to the moon. In the ancient days, such a tale would be of myth and folklore, but we did it. When John F. Kennedy set that task before the American public in the 1960s, even the scientists at the time didn't know if it was really possible -- but they kept at it, they didn't let the fear of the unknown or fear of failure stop them.
What saddens me is this -- we haven't returned to the moon. After Apollo 13, America was scared. This, like the lightning bolt that set the Imperial Palace aflame, caused the U.S. government to turn their back on the large frontier before them. We haven't set a goal for Mars. We haven't scheduled any flights since Columbia. Will America become a footnote in history as China takes to space?
What further saddens me is that I see the fear in people too. Not just about the topics of space, but about life and love as well.
We're afraid of a dozen little things, when we really shouldn't be. We're afraid of getting our hearts broken, we're afraid of becoming a couple and losing what we already had with that person, we're afraid of loving someone too much, and we're afraid the other doesn't love us enough. We're afraid the other person doesn't care, we're afraid of rejection, we're afraid of what we don't know, of what others will think, of what will be found out. We're afraid we're going to miss out on something. We're afraid we're going to be hurt. We're afraid they might not love us for who we are. We're afraid we might be making a mistake. We set up barriers, we wall ourselves in, and we run away from what could be the most amazing adventure ever.
It's still hard for me to believe everything which happened in my life this year. Life continues to move forward at an ever-maddening, ever-quickening pace. Looking through my past blog entries, I have to ask myself... was that really only just this March? or June? The days go by quickly, and sometimes they just crawl along. As the year begins to draw to a close, I wonder if the years ahead will also bring as many tears of happiness and sadness as this year.
A man once told me, you can gauge a country by what they report (or don't report) in the news. Since then, I've started reading newspapers from around the world, just to see different perspectives. I've grown increasingly disenchanted with the U.S. media in particular -- with the exception of President Bush's visit in Iraq, little has been mentioned of the ongoing conflict there. I found this piece which includes quotes from unhappy U.S. soldiers particularly interesting, as no American newspaper would ever publish such a piece.
We made the drive down in a little less than 6 hours. Unfortunately, my health has taken a turn for the worse. There's a reason they tell you not to travel when you are sick. It could not be helped however, as my sister and I needed to be home for Thanksgiving. I'm tired... and sick. It's naptime for me.
I just read this sad story about a boy and his dream car. Basically, the story goes like this: Bjorn Haugen, 17, works part-time at a pizza store and gets a loan to trade-in his old Lincoln sedan for a 1989 Toyota Supra. 3 days later, driving in the rain, he smashes the car into a telephone pole and dies. The police say it had to do with the newness of the vehicle and the different handling characteristics of a Supra vs. the Lincoln. I'm inclined to agree. It's sad that this tragic event happened. It's even sadder if people don't learn from Bjorn's mistake. Take the time to get to know your car, and it's limitations.
My Canadian friends once told me that getting a license to drive in Canada was a bit different from how we do it in California (each state has different requirements). I don't remember exactly how it's done in B.C. or Alberta, but in California, you need to be a minimum of 16, and have completed classroom driver's training as well as a good number of hours behind the wheel before you are given a provisional license, good until you reach 18 years of age. Having a provisional license basically gives you all the rights and priveliges of a full license with one provision: no driving after 10pm. After 18, that restriction is removed, and you have a full license.
Wha't really interesting to me is that this study which shows driver's education having no effect on collision rates. Why we can't teach people to be better drivers? I think the answer lies in the personality of the driver and their outlook on the world around them. Unfortunately, for the majority of the people out there, they only care about one thing: "getting me and my car to the place I want to be", without regard for the safety of their actions and this leads, inevitably, to accidents.
Just a reminder for everyone to drive safe this weekend. There are lots of dangerous drivers out there -- an estimated 5.1 million travellers this weekend.
I'm going on my annual turkey day pilgrimage to see family and friends down in Southern California. My sister and I will be departing in the morning, and hopefully arrive by mid to late afternoon.
I ate with Christine at a place called Rice Porridge Place yesterday. It's this tiny little restaurant in Cupertino Village where they serve just one thing -- you guessed it -- Rice Porridge. They do have a wonderful number of sides to mix in with the rice porridge -- we selected pickled cucumbers, preserved duck eggs with tofu and pork sung, bok choy and chinese sausage. It's homestyle cooking like this that I really miss sometimes.
It really feels strange that I'll be going home. This isn't the longest time I've been away from home -- but it does seem like it has been a long time. It's because so many things changed so quickly in the time I've been gone -- a mere 2 and a half months. I've gone from in a relationship to out of a relationship, from unemployed to employed, from being new in San Jose to being familiar with San Jose. From being alone in San Jose to having a family member and friends here. Pretty amazing.
Your soul is bound to the Rose Petals: The Wronged.
"I've come undone and all hopes of mending me are gone because the pain took my soul. Can't you see? The only one who can put me back together again is me."
The Rose Petals are associated with sorrow, reflection, and wisdom. They are governed by the goddess Persephone and their sign is The Teardrop, or Broken Love.
As a Rose Petal, you are always self-reflective and may be hard on yourself. You probably have been hurt in the past by other people and can sometimes distance yourself, as a result. You don't usually let other get too close to you, but you are very good at mending your spirits back together by yourself.
You're Batman!
You keep to yourself a lot and act cold towards others, but you actually do mean well. You're a detective and great at figuring things out. You regret a lot of things and have had something tragic in your life, whether it was running over an animal with your car or something major. You don't try to make friends, but they always end up finding you anyway.
I've always wanted to have deep fried turkey for Thanksgiving, but after reading this article on the hazards of turkey deep fryers, I am quite reluctant to try doing it myself. (Although a turkey deep fried in peanut oil sounds temptingly delicious)
I scored an embarassingly high 168... but what else do expect from an IT/Ops Manager? I have to keep up on this technological garbage. As an aside, why is it that being intellectual and knowledgeable is looked down upon in modern society?
When I was reading the book 1421: The year China discovered America, it was mentioned in the introductory chapters that Columbus was not the first person to "discover" the new world, but rather, with Columbus, the new world stayed "discovered", whereas in the past, the existence and whereabouts of America became forgotten. One of the theories about Columbus was that he already knew when he set sail that he would find something, as the maps of the time had already indicated there was something out there. The 1421 book postulated that it might have been a Chinese map that was recopied by the european mapmakers that Columbus used. Now, a medieval map has been found that might prove that theory true.
Well, OBVIOUSLY! Isn't that where they're SUPPOSED to come from?!? Here, read this definition: Import 1. To bring in goods or materials from a foreign country for trade or sale. DUH! Gosh...Maybe Georgy here would be better off in a circus... (More funny posters like these at www.allposters.com)
I don't usually like to talk about politics on this page, but sometimes I fail to understand how we can have a person like George W. Bush be president. He's a bloomin' idiot... and the leader of our country. scary stuff.
My office has officially been named "The Office of Death". It seems as though I and my officemate, Pete (who shares my office) have both come down with the same illness. Not only that, but one can hear the trail of this plague as it radiates outward from our office.
After reading an article about the Silver State Classic, I've decided that I want to participate in this road race next year. I know, my Celica isn't all that fast, or special, but that car and I really know our limits. I just need a navigator, and I'll make the run. I already have an idea of who I will ask to be my co-pilot.
I have come to realize through the events of today, that I really shouldn't try to speak. I may want to speak, but I really, really shouldn't. First of all, talking bloody hurts! Secondly, instead of my usual voice, what I hear coming out of my mouth sounds alot like the whisper-like voices that one would expect to emerge from a ghost. (Think the voice setting "Whisper" on a Macintosh.)
I first heard this news about a week ago. I wasn't actually sure if it was real or an internet rumour. They say it was the acne medication Accutane that may have done it -- which is not a surprise, as this is not the first Accutane related suicide I have heard of.
I'm slowly recovering from my cold. The past few days have been just plain miserable. My voice is shot to hell. I tried to speak in Chinese today and I couldn't. =( I'm working today however, and it's a good thing I don't need to call anyone or speak.
Last week, I brought my BMW to get an inspection done and to get the oil changed out. One of the problems that was bugging me about the car was that every so often, the check engine light would appear, so I had them track this problem down and fix it. Along the way, we replaced many of the little worn out bits (seals, gaskets, hoses). I went to pick up the car today and am proud to say that the engine runs smooth as silk now.
I always try to take really good care of my cars. I keep them neat and clean, and take them in to be serviced pretty faithfully. That said, the BMW is a pretty expensive lady to take care of. I don't take her to the BMW dealership either (mainly because most of the mechanics there haven't ever seen an 8-series, much less worked on one). The 8's a pretty special car in that regard, so it means going to an independent shop. The funny thing is, these specialists are nicer than the dealerships, and charge less than the dealerships. It just costs me a little extra time to bring them the car.
I took in the Celica yesterday to get the 45,000 mile service done on it, including a transmission flush, so everything about the car feels tight and solid again.
So today, I finally have both of my babies back again. I'm toying with the possibility of getting a personalized plate for the 8, but I haven't even thought up a nice name for her yet.
Hubris:
You just couldn't get enough. You were successful, but always wanted more. You overestimated yourself and your cause. you have overextended, and now you've lost it all. Nemesis is a bitch.
A friend of mine pointed out last night that I am an escapist. When things begin to bother me, I run away. Sometimes that means withdrawing further into myself, and sometimes it means running away to another place. Sometimes it means just going for a long drive somewhere. My life this year has been a traumatic one as far as emotions run: unbelievable highs, and endless pits of despair. Right now, I am in one of those pits of despair.
I attribute this to fear. I am afraid of the future. I'm afraid of success. I'm afraid of losing the people in my life. 5 months ago, in June, I was happy -- probably the happiest I have ever been in my life. Things were going well for me personally as well as professionally. That all changed in July, when the woman I loved moved back to her home thousands of miles away. I got laid off, giving me time to do the things that I had been putting off -- updating the old resume, getting rid of the old junk cluttering the apartment, going back to school, starting up a new company with my friends. In the midst of all of that, I lost the one thing that meant the most to me -- my relationship with Cat. Our relationship has changed, but I still care about her and think of her everyday.
What worries me is that I tend to lose myself in my work -- and the years passed by far quicker than I expected. The last thing I want to become is Dicken's Scrooge -- a man without family or friends -- unaware of what he is missing in life.
I'm not sure why but I've been in a deep blue funk this whole week. Maybe it's everything I need to get done before I got home next week for Thanksgiving. At least I'll get to go home -- it's been far too long.
I haven't been dreaming lately. It's been over a month since I last had a dream, and that worries me. A lot of fears, a lot of anxiety, but no dreams.
I've avoided eating at fast food paces for years now, particularly McDonalds, and given the option will prefer to choose another alternative rather than eat in a fast-food restaurant.
Last Friday night, I returned my rental car and came back home via BART and CalTrain. While I was riding on CalTrain, an announcement came from the engineer: "May I have your attention please, the train in front of us, Train no. 85 has had an incident. All trains will be stopping for an indefinite amount of time at Menlo Park. If you have friends or family expecting you, you may want to call them to have them pick you up. We don't know how long the trains will be stopped. When I have more information, I will let you all know." Sitting on the train, I didn't know what "the incident" was. Did a train de-rail? Was there an car accident involved with the train ahead? Since my stop was before Menlo Park, I got off before the final destination, but I still wondered what had happened to warrant the stopping of the trains. This morning, I had my answer: it was a
Student Suicide in Palo Alto. Apparently, the kid jumped in front of the train to end his own life.
I don't think many adults realize just what a big pressure cooker high school can be -- a child is assaulted not only by the expectations of parents and teachers, but judged by their peers as well. It's pretty important that people have someone to turn to, or confide in, basically someone to tell them not to sweat about the little things. I don't think I'll ever understand why some people choose to take their own life when there are so many others out there for whom death takes seemingly randomly.
I thought I had posted about this earlier, but I guess not.
Things other people accomplished when they were your age.
My personal list (of somewhat geeky accomplishments) looks like this:
Age 9 - wrote my first computer program in BASIC. It really didn't do much except respond to the inputs given.
Age 10 - wrote my first book. I don't remember what it was called but it involved a squirrel and his forest friends.
Age 11 - wrote my second book. The book was entitled "Twenty-First Century Adventure" and featured the jetpack-wearing Jetlag Jack and his courageous sidekick saving the world from imminent destruction.
Age 14 - Places in the top 3 of a mall video game competition, wins tickets to Universal Studios Hollywood to compete in the Nintendo World Championships. At the Nintendo World Championships, becomes a Semi-Finalist for the Southern California Region.
Age 15 - Creates the Logo used for the newsletter Mac Facts
Age 16 - Starts a computer BBS, and programs his first freeware utilities.
Age 17 - Creates with 3 friends, Visionary Studios, a computer game company whose first game is a Tetris clone called BloxJack. Also wins an award for speech and debate in Academic Decathalon.
Age 18 - Graduates High School, and begins attending UC Berkeley with junior status in the College of Chemistry.
Age 19 - Wrote my first short stories.
Age 21 - Sets a new record for drinking mixed drinks at the Office of Residential Computing on his 21st birthday.
Age 22 - Graduates from UC Berkeley with a Bachelor of Arts in Environmental Sciences - Biology. Writes a thesis on Electricity Needs for the Future. Predicts problem of exisiting plants not supplying power. 4 years later, the prediction comes true with the California Energy Crisis.
Age 25 - Serves as Technical Producer for Diablo II, which goes on to sell several million copies worldwide.
Age 26 - Purchases his own car, a 2001 Toyota Celica GT-S. This same year, also begins tutoring elementary school students in reading.
Age 28 - Becomes one of the founding members of Castaway Entertainment, a new computer game company.
Have I lived up to my potential? Are my accomplishments enough to justify my existence?
Love the job, hate the hours. Seems to be a trend for me. You see, when it comes to picking jobs, I tend not to pick the one with the highest salaries, but the ones where I think I'll be able to make a difference and enjoy what I do. Even though I try to limit myself to only 40 hours a week, I still find myself being a workaholic in a different sense as I struggle to juggle work, school and a personal life.
I'm confident enough in my skills and abilities that I know that where ever I go, I can succeed. It doesn't matter what happens. I won't give up. I can't give up. I will persevere.
I find it funny, since just yesterday, we were talking about both Sleep and Reading, and here the two subjects come up again. If anyone needs a long-term sleep deprived individual to do testing on, they can pick me.
A little less than 50 years ago, a book came out called "Why Johny Can't Read", examining why children in the United States have a hard time reading. The main reason, the author claimed, was that children were being taught how to read and spell the wrong way. The proper way, he claimed, was the use of phonics -- sounding out the word and guessing at the word. I find it somewhat stupid that after all this time, educational professionals have not accepted the fact that phonics works and straight up memorization of the arrangement of letters does not.
Anyways, the article above was printed quite recently, and while I am sure that the teaching method does factor into the resultant scores, the influence of other media types is a factor that was neglected. Televisions and computers these days have superceded the days of magazines and newspapers. It's hard for me to remember the last time I saw a newstand that wasn't inside an airport. The need to read is reduced, and while people talk often about the tv or the movies they watch, when was the last time you talked to someone about a book you read?
I actually managed to get a decent night's sleep for once. I think my body had finally reached the point where it was just too tired to function. I've pretty much decided that I am horribly overcommitted to too many activities and that's pretty much why I feel tired all the time.
There are 168 hours in every week. I spend, on average:
35 hours sleeping
11 hours at school
1.5 hours coming and going from school
10 hours driving to and from work
4 hours at the gym
40 hours working
20 hours eating
25 hours studying
...
which leaves about 25.5 hours for personal time, where I can do all the rest of the stuff that needs to get done. Unfortunately it's like this: almost everything that I need to gets done needs to be done between the hours of 9 and 5. I sleep between 1 and 6, and school between 7 and 10, and work from 10 to 6 or 7. get home at 7 or 8, eat dinner, have a few hours to study and then the cycle begins anew again.
This is something new: a car commercial using Legos. It's for the Honda Element, so hopefully watching this won't entice you to purchase a gas-guzzling, unsafe SUV. I used to love playing with Legos when I was growing up -- I'm pretty sure we still have tubs and tubs of those interlocking brick pieces lying around in the garage somewhere.
You are Form 0, Phoenix: The Eternal.
"And The Phoenix's cycle had reached zenith, so he consumed himself in fire. He emerged from his own ashes, to be forever immortal."
Some examples of the Phoenix Form are Quetzalcoatl (Aztec), Shiva (Indian), and Ra-Atum (Egyptian).
The Phoenix is associated with the concept of life, the number 0, and the element of fire.
His sign is the eclipsed sun.
As a member of Form 0, you are a determined individual. You tend to keep your sense of optomism, even through tough times and have a positive outlook on most situations. You have a way of looking at going through life as a journey that you can constantly learn from. Phoenixes are the best friends to have because they cheer people up easily.
I got my Mandarin quiz back yesterday. Another 8 out of 10. I can't seem to get past that in my vocabulary quizzes. I have a Cantonese midterm tomorrow, and it includes a take-home portion. Work is really frustrating right now because they want me to put in more hours, but I also want to maintain everything else I'm doing.
I saw the new Matrix film yesterday. It is remarkably bad. Unless you are a hardcore Matrix fan, the movie isn't worth it. Wait for it on DVD.
I bought a 1991 BMW 850i today. 5.0L V12 300 hp, 6-speed manual transmission, Laguna Green. I'm calling it my early Christmas present. I would not have gotten it except that the price was too amazing to pass up. Brand new in 1991, the 850i cost upwards of $86,000. 12 years later, I picked it up for about 1/6 of the original price. It's got a good deal of miles on it, and a few minor things that need a bit of polish, but other than that, it's in pretty good shape.
I took it out for a little spin tonight, and the dangerous thing about the car is that it accelerates quite quickly and quite smoothly, so you never realize just how fast the car is going by feeling it. I'm rather fond of cars with a low production count -- there aren't a whole lot of 8 series around.
It's raining pretty hard outside right now. A pleasant sound to fall asleep to.
People really shouldn't talk on the cell phone and drive. A multitude of studies have found that using cell phones while driving causes delayed reaction time and affects steering. Studies have also shown many drivers reduce their speed while dialing or talking on their phones. Talking on the cell phone while driving quadruples the chance of a car accident and is almost as dangerous as drunk driving. People who drive with me often notice that I do not tend to talk very much while I am driving. Safety comes first. As the driver of the vehicle, I am responsible for the safety of the passengers within the vehicle and I realize that conversations with passengers can sometimes distract the driver's focus from the road. We've all see those people talking in the cars, wobbling from lane to lane. I've always told myself I'd never be one of those.
I spent this weekend putting together some bookcases for my apartment. Since I moved in, I've had about 20 small boxes filled with books being stored in my living room. It's nice to have all those books out of the boxes and onto the bookcases. I had previously thought there were only a few books I hadn't read in my collection of books, but as it turns out, there are at least 20 or so that I haven't read yet.
There's only a few weeks left of classes now. It's too bad I'm not a full time student. I really miss the long holiday vacations after finals, and how every new semester is a new start.
I went to the ATM today and took out some money. I was surprised when it dished out the new $20 bills. My wallet still contains the Canadian bills, so it's rather colorful in there.
It rained a bit today, and it's quite cold. My neighbors are moving out today, and my little home still looks like it did when I first moved in. I think I know exactly what I want in terms of furniture for the place -- I need a few more bookshelves and maybe some more stuff for the bedroom. But I need to get the study area finished, and I hope to do that this weekend.
The weather has changed much since I came back to the Bay Area. The first night I was here, one could wear shorts and a t-shirt at midnight and still be comfortable. Last night, it got cold, with a strong wind blowing through. Tonight it's even colder out. They say it'll drop to about 50 degrees Fahrenheit (10 Celsius) tonight, with a pretty good chance of rain tommorrow.
I got my quizzes back yesterday. I did pretty well, but still made some mistakes. I was supposed to go out for yam cha today with my Cantonese class, but I had to work, and given that I've taken a few more days of vacation than I should have, taking a super extended lunch probably wouldn't have been the best idea.
Changing timezones always screws me up. I was quite comfortable on Edmonton time, but now I'm going to bed and getting up too early on Pacific time. It's nice to be home, but I forgot what a disaster it was when I left, since I tore my apartment apart looking for my passport. I think this weekend will be a home improvement weekend, where I finally put up the bookshelves and organize my books and dvds.
After being stranded in Edmonton for two days, I'm finally back home in San Jose. It's nice to be back home, although it's quite a contrast from Edmonton -- It's quite warm here, and quite cold there. I'd write more about the trip, but I really ought to be studying now. Nonetheless, it was quite an interesting trip.
It's pretty darn cold here. It's cloudy outside, and the temp is 5 degrees Centigrade (That's 41 degrees for us Americans), and I'm wishing that I had brought my leather longcoat. I just brought the wool jacket my parents gave me for Christmas a few years back, which, although warm, is very thin. The weather is very much like Chicago in the springtime. Had I known it would be this cold here, I probably would have packed differently.
1:10PM, Somewhere in Oregon, Altitude 31,000 feet.
I love traveling, but I really hate airports. I'm not sure why that is. Maybe it's because airports hate me. Since 9/11 I've never been able to make it through airport security in any less than 20 minutes. They always pull me aside, rummage through my stuff, make me pull out my computer and take off my shoes. When I was traveling to Japan, guess who got pulled aside? Yep. Yours truly. This, after I had a long blog entry denouncing the policies of homeland security and our screwed up President. Coincidence?
Since my midterms are over, and I've had a most hellish week at work, I decided to take a little vacation. I'm actually on the plane now, on my way to Seattle before switching flights. I hurriedly packed my bags this morning in an hour, and I'm positive I forgot something, which always happens.
3:04PM, SEATAC.
I'm in Seattle now. In the airport. Doing what I hate the most. Waiting. I tell you, airports hate me. My flight's departure was delayed. The reason given was servicing. I hope it's nothing serious. Outside, I see a bunch of twin-prop airplanes sitting on the runway. I wonder if one of them is the one I will be taking to complete my air travel for the day. I've never flown on a twin-prop before. The smallest plane I've ever flown in are those DC-10s and MD80s.
Surprisingly, my cell phone works fabulously here. 5 bars.
I worry about the weather, and if I've packed enough cold-weather clothes. I'm sitting under an AC vent and the AC is turned up way too high, as I freeze in my California clothes.
They have those red-LED signs here flashing messages in Japanese, Chinese and English. The signs are all labeled in Japanese too. I feel as if I'm in Tokyo Airport again. They hand out free coffee before noon, the little Horizon Air - Starbucks coffee counter says. With the counter sitting right under an AC vent, I have to wonder how warm the coffee is.
On a whim, I try to see if they have wireless here, and they do, but you have to pay. 6.95 a day. That's a bit much, especially when I'll only be here for another 10 minutes. They have a flight to Walla Walla, and I am at a loss to where that is.
4:39PM, Enroute to Edmonton, Altitude 31,000 ft.
The floor of the plane is cold. My backpack has been sitting there for the last hour, and my laptop case felt like a carton of ice cream when I picked it up. I will remember the next time I fly to use warmer socks on the day I fly.
We finally took off about 3 quarters past 3, and it was a good thing I didn't buy the internet connection, since they had the boarding call about 30 seconds after. I've slept most of this part of the journey -- we're flying way above the clouds, and only in certain areas can one view any landscape below. I think we're flying over the rockies right now, but I can't be sure. It's a lot of mountains, as far as I can see.
I'm on-board a CRJ 700, which I believe is the Canadian version of a DC-10. Instead of 5 people per aisle though, there's only 4, and the seats are wrapped in leather (or leather-like vinyl), so imagine what an airplane would look like if it was all first-class seats, and that's pretty much what it looks and feels like... although the 4 seat seating arrangement is very non-spacious, and one still feels cramped. The plane is a dual engine jet, much to my disappointment. I had hoped to fly in those twin prop planes, but I guess now that I think about it, those planes wouldn't have had the range or the speed to take me however many miles it is from seattle to Edmonton.
The sun is still bright outside, which is a marked change from the overcast skies of Seattle. I remember hearing once upon a time, that the further north or south one goes from the equator, the longer the days (or nights) become. I've always wondered what it must be like to live in one of those places.
I wish I knew the geography a bit better -- I might be able to identify some of the landscape features -- it's just a huge lake, with lots of farmland surrounding it.
We must be getting close to landing now, as the plane feels like it's dropping in altitude, and the land seems closer.
I arrived in Edmonton with fairly little trouble. The airport feels so far away from the city. We landed, and I had thought I had landed in farmland. The city was far off into the distance, the the skyscrapers creating the unique cityscape. I rented a car (a white Chevy Monte Carlo) and drove to the hotel. Driving to the hotel from the airport on Canadian Highways is an interesting experience for the California driver. The first thing is that everything is metric -- the speedometer is km/h and the unit of length is km. 110 km/h is only about 50 mi/h so it feels slow to me in getting to places, just because the speed limit is so much lower here. The second thing is that Highways appear to be unidirectional -- instead of a center divider with the opposite traffic immediately on the other side of the divider, the city block is the divider. Third, I can't believe that no one has had a City of Edmonton race track on any car video simulation games -- the city seems full of interesting twists and turns and little steel grid bridges. It was pretty exciting to drive.
I got to the hotel and was assigned a room, but I found out the hotel had wireless access, but only in certain rooms. I asked them if it was possible to change rooms, and the concierge was very kind and moved me. I was on the 6th floor. Now I'm on the 18th. The view out my window is pretty breathtaking at night, just miles and miles of lights.
honeyfields struck me with this survey. now it is your turn. take the thing, put your answers on it and post it to your blog. :)
enjoy!
1. WHAT IS YOUR Middle name?
The name my parents gave me is Shi Xing. It uses the Chinese characters for "World" and "Prosper". I use Shih for most educational/legal documentation, and simply "S." for everything else.
2. WHAT kind of PANTS ARE YOU WEARING and what color?
Denim Jeans. Blue.
3. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?
I'm listening to the hum of the engine of a DC-10 airplane and the banter of the flight attendants in the aisle cabin.
4. WHAT ARE THE LAST 4 DIGITS OF YOUR PHONE NUMBER?
home? 9937 cell? 8777 work? 9022
6. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE?
gray. Definitely gray. I always find myself in the in-between places.
7. HOW IS THE WEATHER RIGHT NOW?
It's sunny outside. Inside the airline cabin though, my feet are freezing.
8. LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?
Cat.
9. THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX?
hmm. I think the first thing I notice is the smile. Maybe the eyes.
10. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT YOU THIS?
yeah, she's a nice person.
11. HOW ARE YOU TODAY?
I'm alright today. I finished my quiz, and then boarded a plane to take a little vacation. It is not a normal day.
12. FAVORITE DRINK?
Alcoholic? Rum and Coke. Carbonated? Coke. Non-alcoholic and non-carbonated? Water. When I need to stay awake? Cafe Sua Da (Vietnamese Iced Coffee with condensed milk).
14. FAVORITE SPORTS?
The only thing I will ever go watch live is ice hockey. Everything else is boring.
15. HAIR COLOR?
black with a few highlights of blond on occassion.
16. EYE COLOR?
brown
17. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS?
yes
18. SIBLINGS AND THEIR AGES?
grace - 24
christina - 22
19. FAVORITE MONTH?
probably december, since it's a time for family and friends.
20. FAVORITE FOOD?
sushi!
21. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED?
ever after
22. FAVORITE DAY OF THE YEAR?
I don't really have one.
23. ARE YOU TOO SHY TO ASK SOMEONE OUT?
No.
24. DO YOU LIKE SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDING?
Happy ending. Scary movies freak me out. When I was younger, I'd use a blanket to cover my face for the scary parts of movies. If I ran the world, everything would end happily ever after.
25. SUMMER OR WINTER?
I think I like the summer better. There's a lot to like about winter too, like hot chocolate and snow, but I've never seen snow fall and everyone knows that California only has two seasons anyways: hot and hotter.
26. HUGS OR KISSES?
yes, but not in public.
28. CHOCOLATE OR VANILLA?
Chocolate.
29. DO YOU WANT YOUR FRIENDS TO WRITE BACK?
Of course. I don't write letters for nothing.
30. WHO IS MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND?
Everyone.
31. WHO IS LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND?
Someone who doesn't check e-mail daily.
32. WHAT BOOKS ARE YOU READING?
I just finished the five people you meet in heaven on saturday. I haven't read anything new since then.
33. WHAT'S ON YOUR SCREEN SAVER?
trees. forest. naturey type things.
34. FAVORITE BOARD GAME?
carcasonnes, a clever tile game.
35. WHAT DID YOU DO LAST NIGHT?
I ate, I studied. I slept.
36. FAVORITE SMELLS?
chocolate
grilled meat
mom's cooking
cat's perfume that her grandmother gave her
roses
37. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU THINK OF WHEN YOU WAKE UP IN THE MORNING?
What time is it? Can I sneak in a little more sleep?
